July 1, 2011
Categories: Lesbian Lexicon, LGBT, Sexuality & Gender Roles . Tags: lesbian dating, lesbian lexicon, Relationships, S4S, stud, Stud for Stud, Touch Me Not Stud . Author: Justa Notha . Comments: Leave a comment
A Film by tiona.m.
If you like the trailer, buy the DVD!
So my Gaydar has failed me three times recently–okay, make that 2 1/2 times. The first time was the bright blue-eyed, polished butch who waits at my bus stop. I was sure, make that positive–that she was a lesbian. Well, I was sure until she slid the words “my husband” almost guiltily into a sentence with the fake offhand casualness usually reserved for queers mentioning their “partners.” Or was that my over-sensitive imagination? Did she guess that I thought she was gay, and felt that she had to come-out as straight? Does she know that she comes off as a total Dyke? Maybe she’s Bi and embarrassed that she landed in a Het relationship?
Again I got fooled at my new job. Part of why I felt comfortable coming out was that everything about one of the higher-ups screamed lesbian to me–from her boxy horn-rimmed glasses to her awkward gait and slightly masculine suits. But then today I noticed she was wearing heals! And she too dropped the “H” bomb.
The third woman I only slightly suspected of being gay. Mostly it was the rainbow earings.
What is it with these straight butch women in the workforce? They totally blow my gaydar!
I wanted to share my response to a comment on Why I Let Go Of Butch that is actually asking the opposite question:
What I am trying to understand is how a woman can be comfortable identifying as butch. I’m talking about butches who have considered being trans, and have opted to stick with the butch identity instead (kinda the opposite to what the author of this post went through). I can understand how someone does not want to be a transMAN, and how someone does not want to be a WOMAN (been there, done that); but butches are somewhat gender-variant, yet some of them are very comfortable identifying as WOMAN. Why is that?
Here is my answer:
A friend of mine (who’s a stone butch) and I were talking about the first time she was called a Dyke–she looked the word up, and saw that it was defined as “a masculine woman”
“I liked that.” she told me. “I felt like they saw me.”
I think that accepting yourself as a butch woman (if that’s what you are) is just that. Accepting that you are a woman, that you have masculine qualities, and that some other women find that super-sexy, and just leaving it at that.
The idea for the Lesbian Lexicon came to me after watching some videos on YouTube that did a very bad job of explaining lesbian terminology. I wanted to do an illustrated lexicon from femme to stud–or, since blogs read in reverse, you’re reading it from stud to femme. I decided to only use terms that I hear regularly here in the Boston Area, rather than try to include everything I’ve seen online, so I did not cover words like futch, boi, or aggressive (referring to a stud). I also did not include trans, as I have recently realized that I am still working through issues and prejudices around transsexuals. (Probably the result of my own deep trans-desires I’m still struggling with.) If you want to write a guest post on these or any other term you think I missed, comment below.
I decided to use all celebrities, and as many out artists as I could. You’ll notice Mo’Nique in there, with a disclaimer. No there’s no disclaimer for the rest of them. Am I saying their Lesbians or at least bi? Well I’m not saying they’re not…
I also want to ask you to please refrain from making comments about “how stupid it is to label people.” Labels are just language that people use to try to understand and explain their environment. Obviously there is a wealth of depth in each person, regardless of where they fit on the spectrum, and I think everyone, male and female, has at least some traits from each.
I’m so gay I’m straight
The term Stud comes out of the black community, but not all studs are black. Stud refers to a certain style of butchness: either thugged out or the “white boy” style. There are soft studs and stone/ hard studs. Hard stud refers to hardcore, rather than hardened. (Although she may be that too.) Hardcore studs prefer to serve, and many don’t like to have their genitals touched or even seen. (I never saw my stud without at least her boxers on.)
Although some studs date other studs, most studs are very vocally against it. Most stud’s online dating profiles say something like: “Femme women only, no butch-femmes, tomboys or stems.”
Studs are usually seen in groups of studs, with their femme girlfriends, or, most commonly, in a corner of the club watching all that ass.