Niki Was Not Ok

Niki was not ok

She told us so on Facebook everyday 

Niki was in pain. Every morning, every evening, every day.

Physical pain like mine.

Mental pain all her own. Years of abuse and neglect and negative self talk.

Imbalanced chemicals for lopsided pain.

Niki was born in my year. Forever shy of 36 by 10 days.

Nikki was not ok.

Niki didn’t have my responsibilities, but she also didn’t have my support system. 

Niki tried to commit suicide until finally she died. No one will say how but if she was alive–I feel like she wouldn’t hide how she died. She’d say “I fucking committed suicide”

Niki didn’t believe in God or heaven or reincarnation.

I can’t respect her and wish that she Rest In Peace, although I wish peace for her every day.

Niki was not ok. 

But what could we do about it anyway?

(Sending love to everyone battling chronic pain, depression and mental illness)