Meet Rod

Jessica Simpson shaving on Esquire

So this is the post that ends my chances with my high femme-only stud and butch readers. And maybe some femmes. Oh well.

You see, I’ve had this problem with studs and butches I’ve dated in the past: once they take their eyes off of my breasts (usually after we’ve had sex, my D-Cups are pretty captivating), they notice that I don’t wear make-up or heels or do my nails.  (Beyond Lesbian short–and I don’t bother at all if I’m dating a stone or single)

But more than that, they start to get to know me and see my masculine side: my love of power tools and working on computers, my ability to become “one of the guys” without thinking about it. (I don’t even get into how I used to get “can I help you sir”d)

That’s when we have “the talk” about how I’m really not feminine enough for them.


It hurts that the things we share in common are the things they don’t like about me. Do I want to be a stud or date a stud? Yes? No? Maybe?  Do I have to chose?

What I do know is that I have a very strong masculine side. I would say that I’m 2/3 femme (I hate the diminutive feminine) and 1/3 male. But that third can be very dominant sometimes.

And his name is Rod.

Very phallic, I know. but isn’t that kinda the point? I’ve known for a while that I had these two facets–the aggressive femme and soft stud. And struggled internally with the fact that they’re not integrated together–they really are two separate personalities!

Reading about Kyle’s two personalities, something clicked in my head. Yes! Me too! Justa and Rod are both here, and both two very different people.

Justa is a low-key femme, who has an interest in politics, arts and crafting. She has a major thing for studs–mostly WOC–and only occasionally likes femmes. The more studs she meets, the more femme she wants to present to attract them. She used to hide her body to avoid the “male gaze” but now she flaunts it to draw the bois.  Being a feminist, she feels conflicted about being the subject (object?) of chivalry, but maybe she could get used to it. It makes her feel special.

Rod is not nearly so picky. He likes femmes–all kinds. His style is soft stud/stoner boi. He’s an old-school butch who likes holding doors and doing guy-chores for femmes. He likes building and fixing things.  He’s a guy among guys: with the dirty mouth to match.

Oh yeah, and he has a dick.

(But more on that later)

Don’t get me wrong. I am not a butch pretending to be femme. Rod is just a facet of my personality. If he was 2/3 of me I’d be butch most/all of the time, instead of only every-now-and-then. Justa is real, and she dominates most of the time. She’s the one who flirts with bois, follows on the dance floor and is receptive in the bedroom.

Rod just shows up later and wants to hang out, maybe drink a beer and work on some cars.


  1. That is very cool. Cool that you can recognize and celebrate the different facets of your personality and also cool that I had anything to do with it. I do think it’s ridiculous to judge someone’s femininity on the basis of which skills they do or do not have.. that feels like sexism to me, but that’s just me.

    Rock on Justa, and rock on, Rod.

    • Thanks Kyle! I don’t know if I’m at “celebrate” yet–I’m still working on recognition/acceptance.

      You do bring up a good point about sexism: how much of the butch-femme dynamic is internalized sexism?

      The prevalence of 50s imagery (a time when simplified gender-roles were glamorized in an attempt to get women out of the workforce and back in the kitchen) on the blogs of many self-identified femmes indicates quite a lot.
      I tend to think that the “death of the butch-femme dynamic” that I hear white butches complain about is less a rejection than an embrasure by women of more complex gender identities. (Not that I want it to die, butch women are so hot!)

      It’s difficult to talk about gender identity without going into interests, which can start to appear a little simplistic. I’m sure there are femmes who know how to change out a timing belt and trouble-shoot a computer without ever feeling masculine about it. That’s just not me.

  2. sometimes I want to say a few strong words when people start dividing and labeling identities, personalities and roles, but now I just shrug my shoulders.

    It is Society and us that make that Society who tries to label things to be more comfortable and see boundaries. As older I get as more I understand that we just morph into new selves throughout our lives. You are who you are because of what you know and like today. Who knows who you will be tomorrow. Things, knowledge and awareness change and you change as well.

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