Butch Acceptance

I wanted to share my response to a comment on Why I Let Go Of Butch that is actually asking the opposite question:

What I am trying to understand is how a woman can be comfortable identifying as butch. I’m talking about butches who have considered being trans, and have opted to stick with the butch identity instead (kinda the opposite to what the author of this post went through). I can understand how someone does not want to be a transMAN, and how someone does not want to be a WOMAN (been there, done that); but butches are somewhat gender-variant, yet some of them are very comfortable identifying as WOMAN. Why is that?

Here is my answer:

A friend of mine (who’s a stone butch) and I were talking about the first time she was called a Dyke–she looked the word up, and saw that it was defined as “a masculine woman”

“I liked that.” she told me. “I felt like they saw me.”

I think that accepting yourself as a butch woman (if that’s what you are) is just that. Accepting that you are a woman, that you have masculine qualities, and that some other women find that super-sexy, and just leaving it at that.

 

4 Comments

  1. OMG that is my comment, and now we’ve found each other’s blogs!

    I’m sorry if that question sounded stupid, I was genuinely trying to understand the concept at a deep level, not just “sure there are all kinds of people.” And your comment helped a lot – I remember your answer every time I forget it and ask myself the same question again.

    One obstacle in understanding this, for me, was that any butch role model that I heard of turned out to identify as trans/ftm (as evidenced in the post). I have yet to find a story of a butch who genuinely considered being trans and arrived at the conclusion that they are not – if you know of any throw it my way.

  2. OMG! I’ve been wracking my brains as to why your name sounded familiar! (You don’t have to answer the question that I asked on your blog, by the way, I found your definitions page.)

    I’m glad that my explanation helped. I don’t think that your question sounded stupid. I know I asked a far stupider one earlier in the thread. We all come to our understandings from different places. Although butchness seems very natural to me, I’m still wrapping my head around trans with all of it’s implications. I’m learning even more from your blog.

    I had some conversations with my ex Mena on the subject, and she said that she had considered transitioning, and considered transfolk her people, but decided that she was okay identifying as a butch woman (stud).

    I don’t know any bloggers to point you too, though. Maybe Kyle at butchtastic?

    Ironically, one of my early role-models on what I think of as “womanliness” (as in, strong, powerful femaleness, rather than femininity with it’s baggage) is now transitioning. Still processing how my childhood role-model of femaleness now goes by Mike.

    Just out of curiosity, how did you find my blog?

    • Thanks. I guess I was scouring wordpress for interesting blogs on trans/gay issues and found yours, which obviously seemed interesting.

      • I’m glad you did–and that you find it interesting…I hope I don’t say anything too ignorant on Trans issues. Please feel free to call me out if I do. I think that if my masculine side took up a much larger portion of my personality I would consider being trans.

        I’ve also been thinking more about your question on butches who consider being trans–I think that, just like bisexuality is just a way-stop for some gays and lesbians on their way to coming out, butch is a temporary stage for many tranmen. On the other hand, for many, butch is their destination–possibly their origin as well, and they probably never seriously consider transitioning–just as many bisexuals never seriously consider abandoning their attraction for either sex. I do know that the butch woman I wrote about in that piece was kind of annoyed at what she saw as a “cool” factor around people in certain communities (and their girlfriends) who considered themselves trans–maybe even a certain pressure to identify as such. (She is extremely masculine in presentation.)

        Personally I hovered at bisexual for 15 years before feeling like a lesbian: so probably gender identity, like sexuality, can be fluid over a life-time.

        Or not.


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