So it has crossed my mind numerous times that although I’ve been thinking like a lesbian, I’ve also been talking to a man.
Tuner: 6’6, heavy-set, cafe ole skin, shoulder length dred locks, his band’s T-Shirt.
I haven’t done anything with him that I could not do with a woman-less than I’ve done with some women, but still, I’m fucking with him. Yes I’d rather be with a woman, but that is so much more difficult for me right now than snagging a guy for a friends-with-benefits situation.Women always get to my emotions.
He’s perfect for Friend’s with Benefits. I like him as a person–although some things he does drive me nuts–but even if I was looking to be with a man, there are certain aspects of his lifestyle that are just totally incompatible with mine. He’s got his own groove going and isn’t looking to start a new family or nothing–or if he is he had better not be looking at me!
It’s sad, my confidence with men has never been this high. Because I want nothing from them, I’m able to act more naturally around them. Women scare the crap out of me. The more attracted I feel the more out of control I feel, like I just want to make her laugh, make her smile, kiss her everywhere on her body–see what else we can do–I feel out of control and open and afraid of rejection.
–The downside of friends with benefits with a man is the whole, you know, having to touch his penis thing. I know it’s a part of him and I try to like it for his sake–I certainly know what to do with it–but it really turns me off. I like kissing him, and he has AMAZING talents with his fingers, but a hand job is the most I’ll do with him, and I don’t really like that. I just do it because I don’t want to be a pillow princess–I know I have to give something back. IDK I keep meaning to break it off, but I need that little release that I get with him.–
The attraction I have for Turner is real but it’s different, safer. There’s something very big and peaceful about him that is very soothing to be around. I feel like he listens to me and has good stories to tell. When I have a problem with him I’m able to bring it to him and we can seek resolution. (Although I know he’ll be damned stubborn about his perspective.)
His mom is also a “Chocolate Chaser” as he puts it. So I feel like he get’s me on that level. Some of his friends were off-the-hook in their approach to me, but I always feel respects me. I’ve talked to him about my feelings about women and what types of women I like.
One time he asked me:
“So what is it–what’s one thing about women that they have that men don’t have?”
I searched my mind for a deep and profound response.
He gave me a look of deep respect.
“I really can’t argue with that.” He replied. “That’s my favorite thing too.”