Why Do I Like Black Girls?

So I was asked again, tonight:

“Why do you like black girls?”

And I really didn’t have an answer.

“I just like them.” Was the best answer I could come up with. I tried being with white girls, and with white men…but something was always, I don’t know, missing. After my son’s father I never dated another white man. After my daughter’s father, (he was half black-half Irish) I didn’t date anyone for three years, I was that damaged. But when I did, they were black or latin.

Actually I did date a white woman in there, briefly. She was the first woman in years to kiss me without a boyfriend fidgeting nervously in the background.

But it wasn’t until I met Jen that I was like…really? I can pull a sista? If I knew that earlier….

Maybe it’s because of how I was raised, the times I spent from a young age as the only white girl in a black neighborhood or camp? Why does anyone like anything? All I know is what I’m attracted to, who I’m attracted to. I can’t help it. For a long time I had no self esteem that any beautiful sista or brotha would want me when they could have one of their own, but once I realized some did…WOW!


I don’t know if it’s related, but as I was lying in bed, trying to remember the first girl I was attracted to…but for each one I picked out as the first there was always someone I liked when I was younger. I never had a lot of friends in school, but when I did have a friend, she was just like a girlfriend. She was my everything. The only one I wanted to be with, and when it didn’t work out, when we broke up, it broke my young little heart.

So I’m going back in my head, and I started remembering when we were learning history in school: learning all about how the white people came to this land and annihilated its red-gold skinned people, kidnapped black people from Africa and made them slaves. I think it’s around then that I started to hate the color of my skin. I remember staring at my arms and wishing they would turn brown. What color was I anyway? There’s not even a proper name for the peachy-pinkish color of my skin. White? What am I? A wall? A piece of paper? Blank?

Even though my people (the Jews and, I was later to learn, the Irish) have our own stories of oppression, it wasn’t the same. I wanted no part of those hateful people who could do such horrid things…and besides brown skin was so much more beautiful. It didn’t have to be too dark–not that I had anything against dark–just a stretch for me….maybe a golden brown with just a hint of red…to go with the red hair I fantasized about…


  1. I know this is old, but I’m very curious about this topic. You grew up with significant exposure to predominantly black environments, so it makes sense, to me, that you like black men and/or black women. But I’ve been noticing more and more that many white lesbians are interested in black women, which is stunning to me because I thought white people were…racist (in the US)…and thought most of us are unattractive. And still think that, which is probably the reason why I am really struggling to understand the attention I get from white women and the reason why I’m pretty much always very suspicious of it.

    I wouldn’t doubt it if you’ve experienced some suspicion, especially from black women. Black men usually just turn flips when a white woman is interested, but black women are hardly that simple. But considering that white women have never really seemed interested in even being friends with me as adults and almost never showed that interest while growing up, I can’t fit that and the experiences I had with white people growing up with the fact that probably 80% of the interest I get and have gotten all of my life has been from white women sexually/romantically, a little more than 10% has been from Asians (generally Indian women and usually not from the US, i.e. online) and less than 10% has been from black women. I mean, 10 years ago when I tried to chat with white lesbians online they didn’t want to talk to me 95% of the time, especially after finding out my race! Basically, I’m looking for plausible explanations as to 1) if these white women seriously are interested in/attracted to me, 2) if so, why, and 3) why don’t black women seem to be interested in me (because, honestly, I prefer black women).

    I’m not asking you, but that’s how I got to this post. It’s very easy to find tons of articles and videos online about why white women like black men–there’s tons of focus on that. But you can’t find the same thing for lesbians, really, and what you do find is usually something like “race doesn’t matter,” “there are attractive black people, attractive white people, unattractive black people and unattractive white people,” and “I don’t know why I like black women, I just do” (i.e. your post). I don’t know–looks like I need to consider white lesbians since that’s who I attract in my country, but, at the same time, I don’t really want to start dating one and find out it’s all a huge joke, a big sex experiment, a fetish or they’re bringing me to the KKK for a hanging…sorry, but being real, and if you’ve seen Donald Trump and his supporters, you should understand, lol.

    • Hi Ren! I don’t mind the comment at all. I don’t often get to talk about these things these days now that I’m settled down with a white woman. I decided to reply in my latest post. Please check it out. Thanks for visiting my blog!

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