What is it about studs? How they can just be so damn attractive? Like the stud I used to see: she was eight inches shorter than me, wall-eyed, no ass, man-tits with nipples that looked like they had been chewed on by wild animals. But it didn’t even matter. There was just something about her, her energy…that just attracted me.
I feel the same way about this soft stud at a class I’m taking. Not that she’s ugly, just plain. I noticed her right away when I walked in the door. Gazing around the room at a sea of brown-skinned men–and two-or-three women–she seemed like just the person I wanted to sit down next to. I’ve sat near or next to her in each of our few classes, but have yet to actually talk to her much. I think about her more than I should, have been entertaining fantasies far too explicit to have about someone you really don’t know.
What I know about her:
Her name is Lill. She’s thick, and older than me, maybe by as much as 10 years–there’s gray at the temples of her straightened hair, which she keeps pulled back in a neat pony tail. She has a fly leather jacket and knock-off Tims. She drives a blue pick-up truck and has well manicured longish finger nails.
I love quiet studs. There’s just a kind of very self-contained strength about her.
I love her smile. It’s such a shy, beautiful thing. It lights up her face all the way to her eyes. During a lull in class one day I befriended the child of one of the women, showing her how to use a mouse and play games on PBS Kids. The girl was so cute she had the whole class chuckling. I kept peeping out the corner of my eye at Lill–catching glimpses of her smile. When we’re in class I feel like I’m always super conscious of her–like there’s an electic current between us. I have no idea what she thinks about me, if she thinks about me. Maybe she has a girl? What if I’m not Femme enough for her? Is she interested at all? How can I get her number without overtly asking her out? I don’t think to myself: what if she doesn’t like me because I’m white? That’s the kind of thinking that kept me from the women I was attracted to for too long.
It’s weird because tonight I sat between Lill and another women: a femme. Karen is something of knock-out with full lips and a moon-shaped face with high apple cheeks. She’s friendly and out-going, closer to my age and a world traveler. But it was Lill I couldn’t stop thinking about, even as I tried not to show anything of what I was feeling, or let it interfere with my participation in the class.
I keep telling myself “You’re here to learn. Not to meet women.”
But it is nice to have a schoolgirl crush again.
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