They Want Me Back

So the guy I’ve been kinda-sorta seeing is actually a really talented musician in a local Hip Hop Group. I went to one of his shows on recently. The crowd was a little sparse, and a little stiff, but I guess the best you could hope for on a Monday night.

There were a few bands in the line-up, and while one was playing I hung out a little bit with my ‘friend’ but it was awkward. I wasn’t there as his girlfriend, and there were a lot of folks vying for his attention.

While I was dancing and searching the crowd for any attractive females whatsoever, I found my eyes drawn to a painfully straight thick woman who had more rhythm than most of the crowd put together. She was so out-of-place I asked my ‘friend’ who she was related to:

“She’s his cousin” Validating my instinct, he pointed to one of the three guys on stage. I looked at the guys, none of them looked like he was at all related to her.

“The black one” I peered at the guys, mentally sorting their European features for  African traits. Were any of them black? “Well he’s light-skinned” I decided he was talking about a light, mostly white featured guy.

After she hugged my ‘friend’, she introduced herself to me, and gave me a firm handshake which neither of us seemed to want to end…so I thought.

“Ow!” She said. “you have a firm handshake”
“But…” I said, easing up my grip. “I matched my handshake to yours”
“Well yeah,” she said, “I wanted to show I was strong.” Did I intimidate her?
“I can be as gentle as you want” I said, easing up and keeping her hand gently, not wanting to let go. I really need to stop flirting with straight women!

I left early at midnight–and was almost in bed when I realized I never paid my tab and they still had my card. So I headed back out.

I ended up hanging out with two of my ‘friend’s friends (one of whom is in his band). They both flirted with me, subtly insulted me (one implied I was a slut because I’m a single mom, the other that I’m rich because I’m white and live in a ‘good’ neighborhood) and then both asked to go home with me.

I was slightly tempted by the one in the band. He was kinda cute. But:

A) They’re in the same band–can you say awkward?

B) I don’t believe in sex on the first date, no one comes to my house, and the dude insulted me! What was he, trying to “white guilt” me into bed?

And C) I realized if I started something with either one of them they would expect me to interact with their dicks! And I really think I’m off dicks altogether. I tried, but the whole time I was touching my ‘friend’s penis all I felt was complete revulsion, and guilt for feeling that way. I think I just have to accept that while I may be attracted to some guys, may even like flirting with and kissing them, I just don’t like dick! (Fortunately my guy seems willing to just serve me like a stud…I guess we’ll see how long that lasts…)

So anyways, turned them both down. Went home and slept by myself.

I think I’ll dress butch next time I go out to a straight club…

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