It Get’s Better–Unless You’re Bi

There’s a lot of Bi Phobia in the Gay Community. It’s easier to tell most straight people you’re a Lesbian then to tell some Lesbians that you are Bi.

When I rode on the Bi Float at Pride people did cheer, just not as loud as for the floats ahead and behind us. People also heckled us…

“You’re half way there” One man called out

A drag queen with a microphone lectured the crowd about how everyone should “give us a hand” because “being Bi isn’t easy.” I guess it’s true that even if they get shit from the rest of society, drag queens get a lot more acceptance from their own community, but it was painful to hear it spelled out so clearly

My best friend refuses to date a bisexual because she says they “don’t know if they’re coming or going.”

I get it–I do. Women don’t want to think about their girlfriend leaving them-or cheating on them with-a man.

I get that. But think about it–if I leave you for someone else, won’t it hurt whoever I am leaving you for?

A person can’t help who they are attracted to. They can control how they act on those attractions, but why should I have to cram my relationships into your box?

I had myself convinced for years that although I had this powerful attraction for women, I was fine with just appreciating them, but not actually acting on those feelings. I was convinced that on a day-to-day basis I would be happier with a man.

And then she kissed me.

And introduced me to Dyke Nights.

And I felt that there was no going back to men.

But then I met him.

Dammit still Bi!

And I feel like I can’t tell my lesbian friends about him.

10 Comments

  1. “I had myself convinced for years that although I had this powerful attraction for women, I was fine with just appreciating them, but not actually acting on those feelings. I was convinced that on a day-to-day basis I would be happier with a man.”

    I confess I’m probably one of those lesbians who would arch an eyebrow at my bisexual friend’s new man, especially after a declaration of “all women all the time.” Yet, being a supporter of our fabulous community, I’d defend her right to be who she was.

    I applaud your honest knowledge of self and willingness to share. It taught me something.

    • Thank you. That means a lot to me. I’m not exactly sayin’ he’s my man–it’s not that serious. But it is real. As real as what I feel for a woman.

  2. Bisexuals getting a bad rap is probably the understatement of the century. Ok, I’m being dramatic but still… I remember that when I was finally figuring out that I liked women, I labeled myself as bisexual and it suuuuucked. I was constantly defending myself and my friends who also adopted that label. I remember a gay guy asking me if I was a lesbian and when I told him I was bi, he rolled his eyes and said, “oh jesus.”

    Today I would definitely consider myself a lesbian and I have to say it’s nice to not have to deal with the stigma that typically comes with being bi. I think your comment: “It’s easier to tell most straight people you’re a Lesbian then to tell some Lesbians that you are Bi” is so incredibly on point. I had a friend who started dating a guy after being with women for a long time but denied it for years because she was afraid that her closest friends wouldn’t want to hang out with her anymore. She even moved in with the guy and continued to deny it. The crazy thing is that I totally understood why she was denying it and we told her over and over that we didn’t care who she dated as long as she was happy. But there’s so much intolerance out there, even in the LGBT community, that people feel that they have to lie about who they are and who they like. To this day she still won’t admit that she dated him.

    I actually wrote a post about sexuality being a more fluid thing than most people think it is. People like people. Do some people like just men and some like just women? Of course. But how the hell are we going to find out who we like if we’re constantly being told that if you’re not JUST straight or you’re not JUST gay or you’re not JUST a man or JUST a woman, then you’re confused or wrong? Man, we’ve got a long way to go. So thanks for blogging about this openly… I think we can learn a lot from one another if we all speak up a little more and keep a more open mind 🙂

    • Thanks Ashley! I don’t know if you’d be interested, but I’d be honored if you wanted to put the post on Diffuse 5?

      • Hey! Shoot me your email address and we can chat about the posting.

  3. […] Want Me Femme As I mentioned in my lastpost, I’ve recently started talking to a man. It’s nothing serious, and we haven’t […]

  4. My situation is a tad different but I’m going to chime in here. I don’t consider myself bisexual by any means and I’ve probably been guilty of talking down a bi chic once or twice (because she’s my BFF and we joke around like that). However, being in a relationship with a FtM who is stealth puts me in a bind. Most people don’t know his status as female bodied and they assume I went from super lesbian to man lover. I can’t correct them without outing him and it sucks. Trying to explain my sexuality to new people in my life is always a hassle because the assumptions is that “yes indeed the right man did come along for me.” Gag. I would never date a born man. I have ZERO feelings for penis, that is the hugest turn off. But.. for our safety, I let people think that I’m bi even though it irks me to no end.

  5. Do you mind if I ask…is he planning on going all the way TS?

  6. […] I’m so excited! I just had my first guest post on a larger website. Diffuse 5 reposted It Get’s Better–Unless You’re Bi. […]

  7. […] In Response This post is my response to some of the lovely comments on my guest post on Diffuse 5. Consider it a response to the equally thoughtful comments on my original post. […]


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