Over the past week I’ve been seeing entirely too much of my ex. It all started with conversations on the phone while my parents were away, and I was shut in every night lonely and horny. Memories of kissing her soft lips and running my hands over her smooth skin mixed with fantasies of strapping on and making her cum so hard with me inside her. I made the mistake of sharing my thoughts and feelings with her over long, sexy conversations over the phone. She said she was with it–wanted me too–told me I could lick her pussy any time. (Yum)
But when I went to see her it was another story. Now granted–I was keyed up–excited to act on our conversations–and now that she was single again there was nothing moral stopping us from picking up where we left off. (Except maybe the woman I’ve been seeing? But that’s so explicitly casual, no strings attached…) Besides, I missed all the things my Stud isn’t: softness, receptivity, willingness to let me go down…So I wasn’t expecting the cold shoulder I got when I actually saw her.
She was still beautiful–her hair was back in cornrows, and her eyes were still large and magnetic. The first day I saw her she was all in tan with turquoise jewelry–both offsetting the warm tones of her skin. I wanted so badly to stroke the line of her neck where the little soft kinks of her hair escaped from their braids. Wanted to hold her war soft body up against mine…
But she was distant. Her daughter was there. It was awkward and uncomfortable. We started bumping heads and I knew this was a bad idea. So why did I go back the next day? She texted me that morning saying how bad she wanted to hold me.
So, like a horny fool, I went to see her, and again, she was stand-offish. This time she looked hard and butch in an olive sports jacket and no bra. We only fought a little. We talked a lot–I followed her around as she did errands-we walked on the beach–it was nice. I still wanted her really badly. When I got on the train to go we looked deep into each other’s eyes and I saw a matching desire in her.
But it was when I got home that I realized my mistake. She texted me saying she missed me already, she called me “luv.” That’s when I realized what an asshole I am and that I needed to stop things with her. She didn’t want just sex, as she did when she was cheating on her girlfriend–I would have to woo her, court her, and lock into a relationship with her if I wanted to get back into those panties. At that moment I realized what a dog I am. Although I care for her and want the best for her, I really only wanted to fuck her. There was no way I was going back down bad relationship road with her.
But was I going to do?
The third day she looked ridiculous in some kind of skin-tight riding outfit. We started fighting right away–and fought non-stop for 3 1/2 hours–while I drove her around and did errands for her. She was constantly analyzing and criticizing me–which made me feel self conscious–then she criticized me for being neurotic! It was bad.
When I dropped her back at home I told her we needed to stop. Our fighting reminded me of my parents, and I couldn’t take it. (My parents spent five years arguing before they divorced when I was four–then the rest of my childhood arguing and bad-mouthing each other.)
“We must be in love” She replied.
In love? Bitch are you crazy? I thought.
“I don’t know what it is…but I don’t like it.” I told her.
“So when can I see you again?” She asked me.