No Such Thing as Trick Ankles

So I’m talking on the phone with my, ex, Jen…

Me: “I thought you and your girlfriend broke up?”

Jen: “We did, but she keeps texting and calling me. I have to change my number, she can be very persuasive.”

Me: “You can be very persuasive.”

Jen: “I don’t consider myself to have any powers of sexual persuasion.”

Me: “Are you kidding me? When I saw you for the first time after a year–your eyes just demanded sex. I didn’t have a chance.”

Jen: ***

Me: “I just kept thinking: Oooh but she has a girlfriend.”

Jen: “See that’s the problem with dating bisexuals. You think like a straight.”

Me: “What are you talking about?”

Jen: “When you get in the Lifestyle, it’s all about being in the moment.”


I desperately try to change the subject.

Me: “So I finally got this woman at work who hates me to laugh, and it only took falling on my ass. I stepped wrong getting paper out of the printer, and because I have trick ankles I fell hard on the floor. I turns out she also has–”

Jen: “Wait a minute, trick ankles?”

Me: “Yeah. If I step wrong my ankle bends sideways and I fall. It never hurts–most people who twisted their ankles like that would need a brace, ice….”

Jen: “Trick ankles?”

Me: “… It did hurt my ass though. It’s embarrassing as hell…you never saw me step wrong and fall on my ass for no apparent reason?”

Jen.  “No. There’s no such thing as trick ankles–That’s just something parents tell their kids.”

Me: “Like the Easter bunny?

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