Am I Turning Into a Lesbian?

At 30 today I find myself a changed woman from even a few months before.

16 years since I first came out as Bisexual…

17  years since I noticed boys…

20 years since I noticed girls…

And I find myself coming back to women.

I just love women, especially brown skinned thick women with big brown eyes, a sexy African nose, and a sweet, welcoming smile…They can be Studs, Tomboys, Femmes or any permutation of womanhood, as long as we have a good understanding and mutual attraction. I’m also attracted to women of all races and shades and creeds and background…but the black women stand out. Especially if they know how to dance…mmm.

Mutual, caring touch…

mmmmmMMMMM

When I’m at the club, I feel like a kid in a candy store surrounded by beautiful women of all shapes and stripes: dancing, laughing, kissing…

MMMMMMMMM

*     *     *

Starting to make friends too, finally…

Still, if I suddenly only have feelings for women (sorry Darvin;-), can I call myself a Lesbian?

I don’t want to dishonor the previous relationships by saying they weren’t real, and many of them quite wonderful in their way. My Beloved was really special to me. If we could have gotten it together, I would have married him and spent many happy years in his bed, only flirting with women at parties. . I feel no regrets at having him be my last real boyfriend. …I may even go back to men at some point–I can’t see into the future…

But right now I am so excited about women, it’s like I just discovered pussy or something

Which has me asking questions:

Where did this shift of energy come from? Am I trying to fit myself in even as I come out?

Why after so many years do I suddenly feel this need to go all the way into the lifestyle? Come out to everybody…

Tell all the men who hit on me, “Sorry, I just don’t date men.”

Am I brave enough to go all the way with this? Is that the best path for me?

Am I turning into a Lesbian?

2 Comments

  1. It might not mean that you are becoming a lesbian, but it sounds like you are realizing which way you lean more. I am in a hetero relationship currently after 10 yrs of being with only women. I call myself a lesbian, heterosexual and bisexual just don’t fit me. Maybe bisexual fits you best because you are keeping your eyes open to future possibilities 🙂

  2. I don’t understand that. If you are having sex with a man, and even trying to have a baby, how can you still consider yourself a lesbian? Man, there’s something wrong with these sexual identity labels!


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